Thursday, October 8, 2009

What The Heck is Going ON?

I am so tired lately.

Since my doctor's visit last month, my bg's have slowly crept up. I guess I'm frustrated. Frustrated that with all my work at eating well, exercising, and checking my blood sugar fifteen frackin' times a day over the summer didn't manage to move my A1c down a fraction of a percent. Frustrated that try as I may, a diet heavy in fruits and veges and healthy proteins and lower in carbs just doesn't fill me up like every weight loss, healthy eating article promised it would. Frustrated at my utter lack of weight loss, try as I may. Frustrated with other things in my life. Living with my parents. My lack of motivation in school. My lack of motivation to clean my room and clean out my car so I can have some semblance of order around me. My long distance relationship (or rather, the fact that it IS long distance and not so much the relationship itself). The list could go on, but it's not Wednesday, so I cant' be too woeful.

I just feel so tired.

It's the time of year. It's October, which is one of my favorite months. I LOVE the baseball playoffs. I love the weather. I love the bonfires (which there seem to be a lack of this year, due to my lack of a social life). I love the hayrides, the haunted houses, the corn mazes (thanks, living in the midwest), and dressing up for Halloween.

I don't love it getting dark earlier and the sun rising later (thanks, government, for pushing the switch off daylight savings back two weeks. Now I get to drive to school in the dark even MORE!). I do not love the flash floods. I do NOT love walking to class in the rain.

Until Thanksgiving, I'll be in this funk. It has happened just about every year since I was probably 14. And it will happen again in January, up until my birthday in early February. And I still refuse to get treatment for it. Or any type of depression that I may or may not have. Because I'm dumb. Because I'm lazy. Because I don't feel like talking about it to my parents.

And for this, my big D suffers. But I'll hopefully be pumping by Halloween (provided my father finds his pay stubs so I can get my financial aid). Dexcom is moving a big slower, but I found out yesterday that things ARE in motion.

So that's another long update on my seemingly uneventful, depressing life. I hope you enjoyed it. If I ever do get out of this funk, I promise I'll have shorter, more substantial updates soon.

1 comment:

  1. Depression is such a monster. It's so damn hard to sum up the energy to fight out of it. I've wondered about light box therapy for the dark cold months. That's as far as I've gone with it. Keep fighting - you'll get there!



free web counter