Thursday, October 29, 2009


I'm singing today.

Yesterday's CDE appointment: SUCCESS.

I now have dad's permission to get the CGMS on his dollar. HOW COOL.

I'm still considering waiting for them to be in one set, the pump and the CGMS, but having my dad's approval and help means the world to me.

Battle: won. War: lives on. Diabetes, I will have the upper hand. You wait and see.

EDIT: as of 9pm on Thursday night, I found out that something was wrong with the original figure he gave me. He told us a figure 700 dollars over the original when Dad went to pay for it today. I am very upset, but I still have options. The battle lives on.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Woeful Wednesday: CGMS

Last week, I wrote about how frustrated I was with the amount of money I will have to spend on my CGMS and pump combined. I hit another road bump: my dad is not convinced.

I tried to explain it to him, but his diabetes education consists of what we learned in the hospital almost 11 years ago. He even suggusted I use NPH to control Dawn Phenomonon. Good idea, in theory, dad, but there are a lot of holes in that plan.

My dad is great, I love him dearly, he is just stubborn and loves to argue. I have these qualities as well. We've had a couple loud talks about this whole Dexcom thing. But today, I am going to head to the CDE, dad in tow, and hope that she and I can convince him that this is something that would be benificial to my treatment.

Please wish me luck!! Follow up blog to follow.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

"Girl Talk"

Fair Warning guys: there will be lady talk going on. Personal lady talk. Just warnin ya.

There's been quite a bit of lady talk going around in the DOC lately. Two months ago, my good friend Crystal who blogs at Randomly capitalizeD posted an entry on her old blog site about lady-business. More recently, Amy at DiabetesMine posted an entry about "girl stuff" and Lee Ann, author of The Butter Compartment, wrote a compelling blog about lady-struggles to keep pumps connected and out of site while wearing dresses.

Today it's my turn to rant. The Monthly Gift and Diabetes, it is so awesome. Let. Me. Tell. You.

Thanks to my little birth control package, I know exactly when my gift will arrive. And I have it easy. I take a four placebo pill, which means I have one day or less of the friendly flow. This. Is. Awesome. But the symptoms are still there, and they usually start about a week before the placebos start. The bloating. The irritability. The acne. The inevitable rise in blood sugars.

And the eating. Oh, the eating! I can't seem to sit still without munching on something. Lately I've been running out of insulin. My doctor attributed it to testing more and taking more correction doses. She's probably right. But it's made me ever more carb-conscious. She asked if I wanted her to up my prescription, and I stupidly said no. That just means less carbs for Sarah so the insulin goes further, right?

Well, not the week before my period. Nothing seems to satisfy my cravings for cake except cake. Nothing seems to allow me to forget about the proverbial chocolate bar, waiting at the convenience store for me to come and pick it up, except driving to the store and buying it and eating it before I get home. Ok, these examples are extreme, but I find myself eating more chips, bread, and cereal the week before my period than any other time. And that means taking more insulin. Way too much insulin.

Thanks, monthly gift. I was doing really well this week with eating habits. You came along and delivered your pre-symptoms and now I spend most of my time convincing myself not to eat the bowl of cereal, only to eat the bowl of cereal twenty minutes later.

Someday I'll figure this D-thing out.

Okay, I know that's not true. But at least I have support as I constantly strive to be the healthiest I can be, right?

Monday, October 26, 2009


I am currently in posession of Pink Pingy, or as Bob suggusted I name her, Miss Pingy. (her name is not finalized yet).

I can't use her yet.

I hope I will be able to soon.

That is all.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


Warning: Downer Post

David was in town the past four days for a long fall break. We spent the weekend hiking, visiting state parks, admiring the beautiful fall colors and the beauty of our oh-so-country part of the country, and just goofing around. We really enjoy going on adventures together. Yesterday, before he had to head back to Iowa, or what I like to call the Northern Hinterlands, we went on an adventure in search of gluten free goodies for David.

The bakery was charming, in the perfect southwest Missouri country trailer that wouldn't be safe to hide in during our lovely springtime onset of severe thunderstorms. It was painted an ugly tan color.

The woman who came out to help us was helpful but had a slight attitude that grated on my nerves. She was a slightly classy version of the normal people who grate on my nerves in this my native part of the country. She at least helped run a business and didn't live off her baby daddy's pawn shop money, right? OK, I'm being harsh on her. She was fine. She didn't really grate on my nerves that much, until we had "the" conversation.

Now, I am known for sharing too much detail about my life (GASP, you'd never know, right?). Somehow in my rambling about how we thought their little bakery was great (they do diabetic stuff too) because David has to eat gluten free and I'm diabetic, I let it slip that I'm a person with the big D. (Catch that? Ha, ha). I am not sure how we got on the topic, but she said, "We carry things that are gluten free and sugar free," or something, and I told her that I am on insulin and can eat whatever I want in moderation. She said something like, "Just because you're on insulin doesn't mean you can eat whatever you want. So and so is on insulin and they just went on dialysis."

OK, lady. I don't know you from Adam and here you are telling me how to control my disease and threatening me with complication stories? I know about complications. I'm busting my butt poking my finger about 1000 times a day and turning my stomach, arms, and legs into pincushions and you're telling me about complications? You're telling me about how I should eat? Are you serious? I probably wouldn't even buy anything from your bakery just because it's the kind of stuff I try to stay away from. Did you even know that flour you use in your gluten free and gluten filled products affects my blood sugar in a nastier way than the process sugar you replace with chemical that taste sweet? And that I won't eat it anyway?

I didn't say anything. I just nodded, David paid for his gluten free bread and cinnamon rolls, and we left.

I don't know why I get so mad about it. I just don't understand why people think it's their place to tell me how to take care of myself. I know. I don't do the best at it, but you try living with diabetes for a while. I could eat perfectly and my best at checking blood sugars and dosing at the proper times and still end up on dialysis. Because Diabetes loves the people it tortures THAT MUCH. How is that for your lecture, lady?

D has been ticking me off lately. And now I've been on the phone with some equally unintelligent people all day trying to figure out why the charge from Animas isn't showing up on my account a week later, when it was there last week.

Come on, people. I'm just a 22 year old, trying to figure out life and diabetes and growing up and all this crap. Can you please cut me some slack?


(Hopefully my next post will be happy and involve receiving shiny new insulin pumps in the mail).

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Woeful Wednesday: It's Not Fair!

I have been trying to get a pump and a CGMS for about a month and a half now.

The pump is looking good. I'm hoping for an Aminas Ping (pink) and I am just waiting on them to process my financial aid application before we make the down payment (about 100 dollars, with about 50 dollars a month for 8 months after that. Not bad. Definitely manageable).

CGMS is another story.

I talked to Dexcom last week, because I wasn't sure why I hadn't heard from them yet. Turns out, despite what my insurance company may hafe told me, they were out of network. They sent me over to Edgepark Medical Supply Company, and after reassurance from my good friend Suzanne, I felt comfortable with them handling my account.

I finally talked to my Edgepark today and they gave me my total I'm responsible for: 360 dollars.

Ok, so it's not that bad, compared to the 500 I will owe on the pump. I don't like that I have to pay the entirety upfront. That scares me a little. I can't afford it, and I don't think my parents can either (they're getting ready to go to Mexico for their 25th wedding anniversary and have poured most of their spare funds into that).

I am just pissed that I have to spend so much money on things that are supposed to keep me healthy. Why? WHY? Does capitalisim want me to die?


Ok, so I wont' die on shots and regular testing, but statistically I won't live as long, because my a1c will statisticly be higher than someone using pump thearpy and a CGMS. It's not fair. It's not fair that the quote-unquote "rich" get to live longer just because they make more money. What about those of us who chose to do what we love in college, and therefore won't have as high of a paying job?

It's not fair. I want my CGMS. I need it. (Don't I?)

Thursday, October 8, 2009

What The Heck is Going ON?

I am so tired lately.

Since my doctor's visit last month, my bg's have slowly crept up. I guess I'm frustrated. Frustrated that with all my work at eating well, exercising, and checking my blood sugar fifteen frackin' times a day over the summer didn't manage to move my A1c down a fraction of a percent. Frustrated that try as I may, a diet heavy in fruits and veges and healthy proteins and lower in carbs just doesn't fill me up like every weight loss, healthy eating article promised it would. Frustrated at my utter lack of weight loss, try as I may. Frustrated with other things in my life. Living with my parents. My lack of motivation in school. My lack of motivation to clean my room and clean out my car so I can have some semblance of order around me. My long distance relationship (or rather, the fact that it IS long distance and not so much the relationship itself). The list could go on, but it's not Wednesday, so I cant' be too woeful.

I just feel so tired.

It's the time of year. It's October, which is one of my favorite months. I LOVE the baseball playoffs. I love the weather. I love the bonfires (which there seem to be a lack of this year, due to my lack of a social life). I love the hayrides, the haunted houses, the corn mazes (thanks, living in the midwest), and dressing up for Halloween.

I don't love it getting dark earlier and the sun rising later (thanks, government, for pushing the switch off daylight savings back two weeks. Now I get to drive to school in the dark even MORE!). I do not love the flash floods. I do NOT love walking to class in the rain.

Until Thanksgiving, I'll be in this funk. It has happened just about every year since I was probably 14. And it will happen again in January, up until my birthday in early February. And I still refuse to get treatment for it. Or any type of depression that I may or may not have. Because I'm dumb. Because I'm lazy. Because I don't feel like talking about it to my parents.

And for this, my big D suffers. But I'll hopefully be pumping by Halloween (provided my father finds his pay stubs so I can get my financial aid). Dexcom is moving a big slower, but I found out yesterday that things ARE in motion.

So that's another long update on my seemingly uneventful, depressing life. I hope you enjoyed it. If I ever do get out of this funk, I promise I'll have shorter, more substantial updates soon.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Why do I blog?

I have literally had this "new blog" window open for days.

I have blogger's block.

As an update, I DID talk to the CDE about pumping last Wednesday. My paperwork is done and now I am just waiting to hear back from Animas. Dex hasn't called me at all, which is discouraging. I'm going to call them tomorrow. I want the CGMS more than I want the pump, truth be told. I guess I want to be all "cutting edge."

Anyway, the subject at hand.

I've been going through my share of personal issues for quite some time now. I didn't feel they were appropriate to blog about, but they were all I could think about this week. I really began to question why I blog. I started writing several posts. Some were about diabetes and depression, but I felt they were too personal. Others were about why I feel unmotivated recently when it comes to diabetes and weight loss, but I felt those were too complainy, filled with excuses, and too personal.

So I began to wonder what the point of my blog even was.

I think I blog to get my thoughts out there. Yes, part of me wants people to read them. I am kind of a popularity whore, but I really do feel that people feed me and knowing that someone is connecting with me (especially right now when I seem to lack social contact outside school and the interwebs) really does make me feel like I'm making a difference.

I blog because I want others to know my story, in hope that it might somehow help them.

I blog as a creative outlet. I like to post a variety of different types of posts, whether they be short (hardly ever! ha), long, memes, vlogs, or picture-filled. I love variety in all aspects of life and why should my blog be any different?

I think mostly I blog to make a difference. I blog as I'm trying to come up with something better to do in order to help people with diabetes, people in need, people in general, and my own self. (Is that redundant? My Own Self?)

That is why I blog. And that is why I won't let blogger's block stop me from continuing to pursue my dream (vague as it may be right now).



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